Current State of Mind

In the initial stages of quarantine I was doing great. Keeping in touch with family and friends, working from home, being able to do laundry while working from home, cooking, reading, exercising, etc.  That was for almost 2 months until I had to go back to work and the government closed the Abu Dhabi borders. 

I thought getting back to the office would mean work life balance but I was wrong. There is a lot of work or as we say WORK OVERLOAD. For months now, I have been working like crazy and I work late nights and even if I finish a bit early, I’m too exhausted to do anything especially cook. We’ve been eating bread, eggs, cheese with chutney or instant noodles for God knows how long because of my lack of energy and motivation. I stopped reading and all I do right now is just sit on the sofa and binge watch series. I can’t even visit family and friends back in Dubai and Sharjah. Funny that we are in the same country and it is difficult to meet. I understand it is for the safety of the Abu Dhabi residence since the cases have been increasing but it is not helping my current mental state. I’m falling into some kind of depression. 

I have no will to live and this is why I do not even want to blog. Thankfully, Abu Dhabi Malls, beaches, cinemas, etc have opened with restricted rules but I can at least go out and breathe. This is something to be grateful for but honestly, it is not the quarantine that is bothering me but the amount of work that is affecting my mental state and my physical state. I have been gaining a lot of weight due to sitting in front of the laptop for more than 10 hours. The only time I manage to walk is to  the toilet and back to my seat. Unfortunately, I do not get along with almost everyone in the office which is demotivating. My office is in the basement, my position is much lower than what I was doing in my previous job, low salary for what I’m doing, I listen to insults, scolding, orders….. and they show no respect. I wish someday I could find something new but the economy isn’t  great and I have loans to pay and dreams to achieve so money is what I need at the moment. Everyday I remind myself, I’m doing this job to get closer to my dream. I’m doing my best to stay positive and smile. 

Last week was Tim’s birthday week which made me excited. I booked us a nice staycation in Abu Dhabi desert and had dinner at a fancy Peruvian restaurant on Al Maryah Island. I made sure I fought my inner demons and stayed positive for Tim. We went to the beach and I enjoyed listening to travel podcasts while looking at the water but I knew I was going to go back home and get ready to work which made me feel miserable. I’m really fighting this negative energy that I have. I want to start blogging, sketching, reading, exercising and I want to learn a new language and practice the other languages. I want to be able to see my family and friends whenever. I know the only person who can change this attitude is myself. Tim and I discussed this and since we have no plans living abroad at the moment or moving to a new place because of the economy, we want to move back to Dubai where my family and friends are so I can see them whenever. Also, with work I will just keep working until something changes but I know for a fact that this is all for a future plan and everything that is happening now is temporary and all I have to do is be patient. 

As for hobbies and blogging, I will do my best to get myself back on track. I just hope the work load will decrease and I will be able to just focus on myself. I just want to remind myself this is all temporary and I’m just working for the money. 

This blog post has no meaning just a venting platform.